JUAN IN E.U.

A one-of a kind yearbook that highlights the incredible 

stories of 100 Filipino migrants in Europe. Aptly titled 

JUAN in EU, this annual anthology culls the inspiring 

anecdotes and personal reflections of our hard 

working kababayans who have all come to love 

Europe as their land of dreams and second home. With 

pages that bream of lessons, hope and wisdom that 

could only come from the heart of the resilient 

Filipino, this annual will let you discover and celebrate 

the unique fortitude of 

JUAN DELA CRUZ THAT IS IN YOU!

As they say being a mother is the noblest profession in the world. No holidays, no salary and absolutely no resignation. I can attest to that because I for one have joined the league of motherhood seven years ago and now I am blessed with two adorable kids.  I have experienced the joys and hardships of being a mother as I struggle and toil miles away from my family in Batangas to work abroad. Being an OFW is one of the most difficult parts of it. Because I would have to leave my children behind and this put my conviction to test. With the life’s lessons I am getting from working in a foreign land, my priorities have changed dramatically. Now I put my family above all, especially my children to whom I offer all my sacrifices. I was once a girl who parties a lot like an average teenager from a long day at school. I used to hang-out with friends and stay up all night without worrying that there’s class the next day or I have work to do at the office. The thumps and jumpin-jumpin’ on the dance floor and my favorite gimmick places sometimes seem to be haunting and inviting. But the late night-outs with friends and colleagues were a thing of the past to me now. 
In fact, I wouldn’t care at all.  

My life took a big turn in 2005. Taking up Communication Arts at the University of the Philippines Los Baños that time, I had to quit studying because I got pregnant at the age of 20 and became a mother to Ashley Margarette. It was a choice I had to make, to stop schooling and work for my child. I worked in a financial institution in Alabang as a Retention Specialist and I had to shoulder all the responsibilities of raising my daughter. Even though I was earning enough money to support her, I still thought of leaving the country. I said to myself that what I’m earning was not good enough because I want the best for my child and my family.

In 2007 I resigned from work and left to Milan, Italy, with a luggage full of dreams, courage and faith. I remember clearly the day when I left Ashley Margarette who was just three years old back then. She asked why I had a big bag and I just said to her that I’m going to cover my grave yard shift at the office.

 It was on December 16, Flight Ek 0335 bound to Milan, one of the saddest days in my life, the day that I had to leave my child, so small and naive. She has to be the one to suffer the consequences of my actions and grow up without a mother on her side. Tears overflowed and there were mixed emotions.  I thought of staying but just imagining a bleak future ahead of us made me firm about my decision. Even if it breaks my heart I chose to leave. As I walked away I told myself that this was for the best. I left a promise to my daughter trying to control my tears, “Baby, Mommy will come back tapos pupunta tayo sa Disneyland pag-uwi ko.” I kissed and hugged her and hurriedly turned my back so I would not see her cry.

Love and Relationship

I did not become lucky enough with my first relationship. I learned after a few months of being away that the father of my eldest had another woman pregnant.  Immediately I decided to end things with him and moved on with my life. This is one of the consequences of being an OFW. The pain I felt that time was unbearable. But I have to be strong not only for myself but for my daughter whose future and life lies on me.

At one point in my life I thought that I won’t have the chance to get married and that I’ll live alone. I was so afraid that I might get hurt again. I can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else to love me. But to my surprise he came at the right time, the time when I was fully healed and just about ready to trust again. Another man came, a man who changed me, a man who convinced me to love again and look at the brighter side of things. August of 2010, I exchanged vows with Regen Mulingtapang after 14 years of friendship and I had my second child named Martina Amber.

Working Abroad

Life is totally different in Milan taking care of an 86-year-old woman. While I may be used to doing household chores in the Philippines changing diapers, giving bath and preparing food to old people are things I have never done before.

The sad truth is that I am taking care of strangers and make sure they live well, while I can’t even look after my kids nor make sure they’re free of mosquito bites. On my first month away, I scrambled after learning that Ashley had seizure attacks due to high fever. I cried every night and I couldn’t get decent sleep thinking how Ash was going. She often would have seizures when having a high fever. Working non-stop at an average of 10 hours a day makes me busy and helps me forget about the family I left at home. Days and weeks pass in a breeze in Italy where everyone is busy.

  

Instead of partying with friends I usually rest and kill time in bed and chat with my family in the Philippines. We do webcam chatting almost every day. This way I make sure I get to see them especially my kids who often ask where I am. When confronted by my daughter I just tell her that I am coming home soon. I always tell my eldest why I have to work far away, that it’s for them. It’s very hard to live life away from your loved ones. When every single year my daughter’s birthday wish would be that I come home so our family would be complete. “Mommy uwi ka na para one big happy family na tayo,” she tells me. It also breaks my hearts when my other daughter Martina who I left when she was just six months old calls me Mommy, smiles and sends me kisses with her cutest face on the camera. These are the moments that tears just flow down on my face.

On being a mother

Asked if I regret mothering at an early age, there were times I regretted quitting studies and starting my own family at a very young age. But I wouldn’t be as happy as now. I find genuine happiness seeing my angels grow up and thinking that soon all my sacrifices would pay off. My parents were of course disappointed when the news broke of my pregnancy. They never expected that I would get pregnant at a very young age. They have a lot of dreams for me—to graduate at UP, and get a high paying job. But the motherly work of course was not a piece of cake and it wasn’t too hard either. I find fulfillment on being a mom. I stood on my own without asking help from them. Now I want to prove them that I can raise my own children well.

Future plans

Life is good and God is great. My life right now is the result of the decisions, attitude and choices that I have made in the past. At times I may have regrets and questions. Now I just make sure things will sway to the better and soon I’ll be home with my family in our new house. Earning bigger than my paycheck back in the Philippines, I am planning to buy a house and lot, a car, and put up businesses when I get back. Re-enrolling at UP might be a consideration. In the meantime, I plan of schooling in an Italian institution so I can easily find an office work aside from teaching English to Italian kids as my part time job. Nakakabobo dito. Nasasayangan ako sa UP education ko pero wala ako magagawa kelangan kong

kumita at mag-ipon for my family. I scan the online Filipino papers, online news and surfs the Internet and often curled up in bed finding time to rekindle ties with good books. With my passion in writing, I write stories and articles about life, people and politics and share it through my personal blog, time permitting.

My priorities have been shuffled and goals have changed. So far the experience taught me things I’ll never get from UP or from any institution I’ve worked in. It has changed my perspective and attitude as a person. Now I can say that there are no regrets just learning for I wouldn’t be the person I am now if not because of what I have been through, I am stronger, wiser and a better version of myself.  I have learned well from my mistakes. My experiences have made me a better person and above all a better mother to my kids.

We are WOMEN

It could be your sister, your friend, your daughter, your mother.. It could be you. Stop violence against women NOW!

I personally do not condone violence especially on women.  Well who does?  Unless you are numb and under high doses of anesthesia. Or you swear there should not be any female human being alive because they are extremely complicated and that that the world is only for the male species. Violence needs a cause if you are in a war. People do it because other people do it? But why? Because they feel superior?  Crime is in their head and they use their power over helpless women. Why do these things happen? Do we just let them happen or are we victims of men’s stale fantasy that life is only about them being stronger. That we are just forced to succumb out of fear or out of love. Men are men.  Because we are different from them we are inferior? So we just have to accept that? It’s understandable that their actions are just propelled by their hormones because again they are men?  That does not mean that they can do whatever they want. Discriminate, assault, beat, rape, and far worse murder. This can stop if we will not let them in the first place. Billion women worldwide are affected by these inhumane acts. But lets us also consider the fact that sometimes women are abused because they allow themselves to be. We have to understand why and know the probable causes of abuse against women and girls. For women to stop living in fear and change how you will be treated in your lifetime.

It is not new to hear or see news on the radio and television that most victims of abuse and killings are women and girls. And we are not just talking about verbal abuse.  We mean physical and sexual abuse in shocking incidents of violence against women by their husband or boyfriend. No one has the right to hurt anybody even if you had the same painful experience during your childhood. Women and girls, it’s not an excuse. We would often say that our partners behave this way because they feel angry and have unresolved issues. So do we have to feel responsible for that? No!  You don’t have to take in the punches and harsh words because you feel that you might understand what your partner is going through. You will never understand and you are just putting yourself in danger. Don’t be blind. A person who really cares for you and love you will never hurt you.  A rude and abusive person has no respect for you.  He can’t possibly love someone else with this attitude. A real man would know your weakness and would not treat you as a punching bag or a priceless possession. Sometimes when we have power over men in terms of learning, wealth or career, they take it as defeat or consider a status of weakness which causes anger turning into violent acts against us.  

Abuse causes damage and death. It leaves wounds and scars that we sometimes hide and deny. It damages our self-esteem, it corrupts our beliefs of equality and acceptance and denies us of reality. Though we are physically inferior, we have morals that make us all different from men. But with abuse we lose that too. Let’s take back our power. If we show them that we can’t be controlled and manipulated that would give them the idea that we are not weak, that we can put up a fight. It should never be our fault if they are like that. But if you allow it to happen then the blame is on you. People can’t change people. But you can change who you are and the situation you are in. If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, get out as early as possible. Seek help. Do not let your feelings overpower your reason.  We are in nature emotional and sensible. But we have to think of ourselves. Think far ahead. Would you be happy with a guy who calls you names, intimidates you, threatens you, screams at you, manipulates you, and beats you? You deserve better. It’s not in our wish list to be abused. We dream of a lover not a killer. We want to hear endearments not curses. We want kisses not punches. We deserve respect not humiliation.  We are not just bodies to give men what they want and satisfy their needs.

Women defend yourselves. Do not decrease your significance. We are equally powerful with men.  Not superior nor inferiors but equals. We have our own definition. We work hard for what we want and we know when to stand up for what we deserve. We display confidence and intellect as our badge of pride.  We recognize our own self-worth and value by not asserting inherent superiority or self-entitlement. We are rare. We are amazing. We are women. So if you think you deserve all these evil, think again. We are women! We have rights. It’s high time that we urge people to put an end to violence and let it be known to them who we are, let them understand our place and reason for existence. 

ARE YOU READY FOR 2013?

Late Post (Article published on OFWorld Dec 2012 Issue)

Just like the Romans back in the ancient times we begin each year by making promises of kicking out our bad habits and starting our life anew. 2013 is just around the corner and most of us are getting ready for a long list of our new year’s resolutions. We take time to reflect and think of a part of ourselves that we would like to improve or a change of choices. Over the years I have kept on making these lists and end up fooling myself on the things that I can’t keep up with. I am guilty of having broken resolutions so for this year instead of making a long list of do’s and don’ts I am breaking down my large goals into smaller ones.

LOSING WEIGHT
As expected many will go trampling to hit the gym and exercise like crazy at the beginning of the year. But usually everything gets back to normal because some get lazy or get caught up with their work. This is what many of us have been doing wrong. We waste money on unused fitness club memberships. January is not the only time to start getting in shape. After the holiday feastings I am prepared to set my weighing scale a few pounds forward. With all the sumptuous food, drinks, cookies and candies who will not gain weight? Unless you eat like a French woman. It’s funny how I always include this in my yearly list, shedding off those fats and taming those bulges but haven’t even tried stepping on a thread mill. As for me who’s working on a tight schedule, going to the gym is really not an option. But I’m considering other alternatives like eating healthy and watching my food intake. As they say fat loss is best achieved when weight is lost slowly. It’s all about motivation and discipline.

GETTING OUT OF DEBT
2012 has been a chaotic year for all of us. With the global economic instability, who hasn’t stretched their paychecks to make ends meet. Europe’s debt crisis has hit us hard. Unemployment, low exchange rates and minimum salary resulted to debt among OFWs. Within the next 12 months I have set a personal goal on how I can save more and spend less. I have to admit money can be a very big source of stress. During my first year of working in Milan I have spent most of my weekend offs going to shops and ended up buying myself something that I really don’t need. But now that I have two kids, I managed to prioritize their needs versus my wants. I became more careful in my spending habits and put in mind that there are a lot of more important things than buying a new pair of shoes or a handbag. Let us all avoid the common mistake of spending more than what we earn. While we may be earning double compared to our salaries back in the Philippines it doesn’t mean that we can splurge it on money wasting culprits such as clothes, shoes and gadgets. It is always a good idea to save some for the rainy days or if you are thinking of an early retirement. We can teach our families back home to be responsible in handling our hard earned remittances. It’s not easy to get out of debt, but being financially free can lead to a life that is worry free.

IMPROVING MY CAREER
We are commonly identified as household workers and caregivers. These jobs are easier to find aside from the good compensation. We are not all rags and brooms. Although we are known for our excellent service we can always take up the notch. For me there is nothing so degrading about being a household helper, baby sitter or a carer but let’s not be content on just earning money and be stuck with our grey hair doing the same old jobs for the next 10 or 20 years. Enrolling in computer, photography or cooking lessons can also beneficial . There are also adult education programs for those who want to finish their degrees. There is a wide variety of learning courses suitable for each and everyone considering a career change. This year marks my sixth year as an OFW and looking back I can say that my previous work experiences were far from what I usually do back in the Philippines. While I am used to sitting eight hours on the phone in a call center set up, here I crouched doing household cleaning and cried of back pains from carrying a patient who is double my size. I said to myself that I can do better. It has always a habit for me to check job opportunities in newspapers and magazines. Luckily I was able to find a part time job in teaching. Now I do private English lessons for kids ages 3 and up. Next year taking a language course in Italian and French is a target. It’s also a good fallback, if ever I would like to go back for good in the Philippines I can use my linguistic skills to find a job as a teacher or translator maybe.

LEARN SOMETHING NEW
Learning is an endless process. Everyday we discover new things. With all types of technology available, there is no reason to be ignorant. Despite our schedules there are many ways to keep ourselves updated with what’s happening to the world. Read books, magazines and newspapers. Information is everywhere it all depends on what type of tool you want to get it from. As a busy person, the Internet has become very helpful for me. I just log in to my facebook and twitter account and voila! I have updates and posts about the politics, weather, sports, entertainment, food and recipes, places and people. When I can’t go to the bookstore to buy a newly released novel or haven’t grabbed a copy of the daily newspaper I just download an e-book or search online for the latest news. Travelling is always a great way of learning and can be relaxing too. Finding out new cultures and learning a new language can be in everyone’s bucket list. It is already in mine and I am looking forward to visit a different country next year hopefully with my family.

SPEND TIME WITH FAMILY
We have seen the advantages of working abroad, the chance to give our families a greener future, fulfill our dreams and improve our life situation. But we never really thought on what we have given up. We lose time and love from family. Being physically together with them might be hard because of the distance and cost of flying back. But spending time with them can be in other ways such as chatting and skyping. Work shouldn’t always come first. We are so occupied with our jobs and daily struggles that we unconsciously forget the reason behind our sacrifices. We always say that we are doing these for the best of them but sometimes it can never be enough. It will be more ideal if we can all reunite with our loved ones. Working overseas has been both rewarding and exhausting for me, so I have et a specific work plan. Maybe five to ten years more and with enough money saved I can settle back and enjoy being with my family once more.

REDUCE STRESS
There are many things that trigger stress emotionally, physically and mentally. A tiring job, bills to pay, family obligations and working away from home create negative energies that can sometimes lead to depression. Stress relievers may not always be in form of over the counter pills. It’s as simple as having balance in life. Be clear on what your values are. Set aside material things that will only give you temporary happiness. Be human, laugh, love, meditate, communicate, slow down and enjoy life. One thing I have learned over the years is to keep calm or to quit worrying about the future. Some of you will not agree but we all have our different takes in life or how we’ll particularly plans our lives. Plans change. It’s better if we can concentrate on what we can do for now so we can prepare ahead. Working all day is already stressing and I have tried doing multiple jobs before and it drained me. Now I am trying to avoid doing anything in excess. A day off won’t hurt. Saving a part of my salary will not make me rich right away but treating myself like queen for a day can make me feel good.

LEARN TO APPRECIATE
Oftentimes we complain about how unfair life is to us. But if we only learn to appreciate we will have an entirely different perspective. If you think your problems are way too much, just think of other people who might be in a much worse situation than you are. Life is not all about great possessions but rather it’s about having inner peace, creating happy thoughts and living with gratitude. Happiness is not negotiable. It’s a choice and we can only be completely happy if we recognize the value of the simplest things in life. We are lucky to be on earth and not under the grave for life is beautiful and being alive is a gift. I am truly grateful for the past year. I have been through many troubles but I have managed to survived. I may not tweet or update my facebook status everyday but that doesn’t mean I am not thankful for what I have. This year I vow to show my appreciation by helping other people.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to our Kababayans here in Europe and across the globe!