Not Just One But Two

Let me just share my own story on taking chances, relationships and finding true love.

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Not Just One But Two

Love is the most complicated thing in the world. When it hits you, you just don’t know what to do.  You fall in love and feel like everything is on a platter and think that you could not do anything under its spell. But sometimes it will test you. Love is not guaranteed. You will get your heart-broken and start to believe that there is no true love. But true love may come more than once. When you get it you will hold on to it for life.

Strike One  I fell in love at a young age and I always have to disobey my parents back then.  It was with the first time that I became totally insane. I built my world around him. I thought that there’s nobody else but just him.  My mom was not around and growing not too close with my father, I enjoyed all the freedom. I became too careless and irresponsible. I got pregnant. I was confused because I was very young. I was still in school and my boyfriend is not capable to raise a family yet. All I know that time is I’m keeping the baby. I won’t lose the child and I’ll do whatever it takes to give her the life she deserves.  With that being said it was only me who did everything for our daughter. The father of my child did not take the responsibility. But because I love him, I was the one who had to work for the three of us.  I went to work overseas and left my daughter with him. I easily got a job and was able to send money for them.  Just a few months it reached me that he had another woman pregnant. So I decided to take everything away from him including my daughter. I was just lucky that I was not married to him. It was easy to leave him in that sense but the pain he caused to me and my daughter was unbearable.

Life has to move on for us. I had to leave my daughter again and while away I had many questions and fears. Can I do it all by myself? Will she grow up not asking of her father or will she feel the emptiness of growing without one? How can I explain why her father left us? Will my love just be enough for her to forget what happened?  Years passed and little by little I have learned to accept the truth that there are people who are just not meant to stay in your life. I also found the courage to tell my daughter the truth. I knew that she wouldn’t fully understand and I did not want to torture her but I would not want to keep her away from the things that she should know. I am lucky to have a smart daughter. She said that it’s ok and what’s important is we still have each other.

Strike Two At one point in my life I thought that I won’t have the chance to get married and that I’ll grow old alone. I was so afraid that I might get hurt once more. I can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else love me. But to my surprise he came at the right time, the time when I was fully healed and just about ready to trust again. Another man came, a man who changed me, a man who convinced me to love again and look at the brighter side of things. We knew each other for many years and did not even think that we’d really end up together. I admired him since then but when we got together, he told me that he liked me even before but was hesitant because he is older than me. Fourteen years passed before we knew what our true feelings are for each other. He came to me several days before my departure going back to work again.  The spark was there already. It came very easy. He asked and I answered right away. He said he will wait until I come back.  We had a long distance relationship. But just a month after, he proposed and took it to another level.  I went back after a year and then we tied the knot. What was amazing is even before his parents met me, he already took responsibility of my daughter. He brought her to live with them and treated my child like their own.  We had our second child right after the marriage.  Everything fell into place. I now have a partner to share the joys of life. Someone who will help me raise our kids, someone who will be there with me in times of trouble, someone who will never leave me, someone who will love me and grow old with me.

Not just one but two. There are two men who have been a part of my life and to whom I am both thankful for.  Why both?  If  the first did not screw up I wouldn’t have met the second.  Everything happens for a reason as they say. There’s a reason why the first left me. When someone leaves, someone better is bound to come. Exactly what happened after the first cheated, I found the person who I’ll spend the rest of my life with.   If not because of the first I would not have had my eldest daughter, my daughter who has been my source of pride and strength. As for the second, words are not enough for me to thank him. I owe him the realization that I can feel again, live again and love again. He might not be the first but what’s important is he’ll be my last. He could have had a woman who is single and without any extra luggage but still he took the more complex life of being with me.  The second time will not be the first time. The first was a dream, the second is reality. My feelings for my husband right now are real and genuine as they are tempered by the lessons I learned from my first relationship. I became a newer version of myself with my second and I would like to stay like this forever.

Not just one but two. I do not only have one but I have two beautiful daughters from two different fathers. I am not in any way ashamed of it. I wouldn’t be the person I am now if not because of what I have been through.  I am stronger, wiser and tougher.  I have learned well from my mistakes. My experiences have made me a better person and above all a better mother to my kids